Sports News

In sports news, Chicago just lost its bid to host the 2016 Olympics. Surprisingly, despite President Obama throwing the prestige of the Presidency behind Chicago's bid by flying to Copenhagen personally to speak to the IOC, Chicago was eliminated in the first round of IOC votes. Three other cities remain under consideration.

Vice President Biden was heard to remark, "We finished just out of the running for the bronze? That's great! Considering that there are thousands of cities in the world, finishing 4th is a testament to the President's amazing charisma.

I can't wait to see what he does in negotiations with Iran."