The PEOPLE Speak! Gay Marriage in Iowa

The Iowa Supreme Court, in a unanimous ruling, legalized gay marriage in Iowa yesterday. A spokesman for PEOPLE (People for Equal Opportunity and Protection of the Laws for Everyone), a common cause umbrella activist group supporting equal protection of the laws as set forth in the Constitution to the absolute exclusion of any other consideration or priority in life, said today that the Iowa Supreme Court showed ”true courage in its ruling today. ‘Invidious discrimination’ is universally defined under United States and Iowa law as ‘relating to, or being discrimination that arises from the creation of a classification that is arbitrary, irrational, or capricious and not related to a legitimate purpose.’ And yet, even though the definition of marriage was not ‘created’ by any governmental entity in Iowa or anywhere else in the world (unless you want to count Moses and other Prophets as ‘governmental entities’), the Court still went audaciously ahead and ruled that the definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman was an invidious classification that violated the Constitution of Iowa.”

The spokesman for PEOPLE went on to say, ”And note too that the traditional definition of marriage invites no comparison, pejorative or otherwise, with any other defined group whatsoever. It is simply descriptive of a particular grouping of people in society.” But, the spokesman said, “The Court was not to be side-tracked into such simplistic thinking. Lacking any evidence of actual discriminatory intent, the Court in a marvelous display of creativity discerned the homophobia behind Iowa’s marriage laws by taking judicial notice of the plots of numerous TV shows, both sit-coms and dramas. In this context, I have to say that the Court wrote inspired and inspiring post modern prose about the greed of insurance executives being surmounted only by their fear of the Difference represented by your average unprepossessing homosexual.”

The spokesman then concluded, “In the face of the overwhelmingly contrary state of the law, facts and common sense, it was simply breathtaking to watch the Iowa Supreme Court make such a bold dash for Freedom.”

Then with tears welling in her/his/its eyes, the spokesman said, “After this, no one can ever say that the Iowa Supreme Court is ambiguous about itself, sexually or otherwise. Obviously, it takes its role as the preeminent engine of democracy seriously, forthrightly and without need for apology. Would that all unelected Judges had such a clear-eyed understanding of their roles in our society.”

“And I might add,” shim continued, “this bodes well for our sister (no invidious pejorative intended) organization, PEOPLE Jr., the Polygamists for Equal Opportunity and Protection under the Law for Everyone. We can all now look forward to the day when unelected Judges everywhere will finally open our great circle of democracy to all peoples.”